My Testimony: An Unfinished Story of God's Glory

Did you know there are over 2.5M views on TikTok for #TestimonyTuesday, 1.6B for #ThrowbackThursday, and 85.2 BILLION views on #transformation? Crazy right?!

It's evident from the statistics that people are drawn to transformation stories. Perhaps it's because we enjoy seeing where someone started and where they are now. Such stories inspire us by showcasing what others have achieved in their lives.

What about this phrase: Once a cheater, always a cheater? I am sure you have heard of it and may even believe it is true. #onceacheateralwaysacheater has 89.6M views on TikTok. But I'm here to tell you, don't always believe it. Because if you believe "once a _____, always a ______," you are putting God in a box. Trust that true transformation can happen; you have to know the right person for it to happen, and I am blessed to say I met that person!

We often make snap judgments about others based on their looks and the seemingly flawless images they post on social media. Our culture has made it effortless to judge individuals based on their appearances and superficial observations. However, we cannot truly understand a person's innermost thoughts and feelings just by looking at their outward appearance. We must delve deeper and learn their story to comprehend their struggles and the reasons behind their behavior and choices. We have to get to the heart of their story to know the depths of their transformation story fully.

I could show you pictures, comparing my past self to who I am today. However, these only reveal the surface level of a more profound story rooted with deep scars and fragments that the Great Physician and my Savior have mended.

I recently found a new quote that I have fallen in love with from a fellow writer:

"One of the greatest things I've learned in life is seeing myself through the eyes of the only ONE who matters." - Traci Snider.

People may quickly judge me on my past and decisions, but my Savior says I am free from my past. I am a new person. The old me has died! The only person I am accountable to is my Savior. I share this message out of love for my Father, to bring Him glory and inspire hope in others that they, too, can experience true transformation.

But true transformation starts with Jesus and requires surrender.

So, let's get to it!

One of my earliest memories is watching my dad pack his bags when I was 3. After that, life quickly turned upside down. I grew up in not only one broken and dysfunctional home but two. I will spare you the traumatic details of my childhood for a later time.

While I understand that what we are exposed to as children can impact who we become later in life, I don't want to dwell on the past and the trauma. We are all responsible for our actions and can't blame our past traumas on our current actions. Eventually, we must take the initiative to heal and thrive despite our past difficulties.

But I didn't learn that lesson till it was almost too late.

Growing up, I sought a way out of the hurt I had faced as a child. I craved attention any way I could get it. I was exposed to many things: drug and alcohol addictions, adultery, promiscuity, fornication, abandonment, rejection, hoarding, physical and mental abuse, restricted & forced religion, and more. Many things a child should never have to see. Many feelings a child should never have to feel. I was diagnosed with ADHD in the 2nd grade. I was always getting into trouble at school, defiant toward my parents, and had anger issues. I was frequently suspended from school due to physical fights, among other reasons. Desperate cries for attention and love spewed from all different directions.

I lived with my mom and her boyfriend for most of my childhood, and my dad came to pick me up on the weekends when it was convenient for him and his new family. By age 12, I started drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and marijuana, and having sex with men and women. At 14, I went to a college dorm party, and my drink was laced, causing me to spin out of control. At that point, my mom had lost control of me and sent me to live with my dad.

The dysfunction didn't stop by removing me from one chaotic environment to another. It just exposed me to new dysfunction in a new way. By the time I was 16, I was your stereotypical "preacher's daughter" who was now pregnant. The father of my child and I had a shotgun wedding. I delivered my 1st daughter in January of 2004 and was living out the roles of a wife, mother, part-time cashier at our local grocery store, and full-time high school student. Thankfully, by God's grace, I graduated High School 1/2 a school year early in 2005. When I turned 20, I found myself going through a divorce and living independently. However, my loneliness didn't last long, as I met my current husband a year later, at 21, through a mutual friend. I was still pretty busy trying to do the things most 21-year-olds do, like closing the bars down at 2 a.m. on the weekends. Going to after-parties and barely functioning for work the next day.

My husband and I met in September of 2008, moved in almost instantly, married, and had our 1st child in 2010 and 2nd child (my 3rd) in 2013. My husband and I were good at pretending to be devout churchgoers. On Sundays, we would attend Church and participate in serving the Church. However, we indulged in excessive drinking and partying in our day-to-day lives. We failed to understand the true essence of Christianity, which is to follow the teachings of Jesus and be Christ-like.

Jesus was in my head, but He wasn't in my heart.

We lived for ourselves, our sins, and our worldly ways.

Starting in 2014, I went through a season of feeding my ego and trying to fill a gaping hole in my heart from abandonment, trauma, rejection, and other things from my past that haunted my thoughts and hindered me from seeing the truth. I was still a hurting little girl who had never healed from the wounds ripped open in my childhood. I started looking for healing in all the wrong places.

I would eventually learn that Jesus was the only one who could fill the hole. Not my husband, not my kids, not anything of this world. Only Jesus.

During this season of rebellion, I became overly focused on me, myself and I. I started a health journey to get fit and lose the baby weight that soon became an unhealthy obsession, leading me down a negative path. Unfortunately, this path caused me to have several affairs and drove a wedge between my husband and me. I also prioritized my fitness and diet over my children's needs.

But in 2020, by God's grace, He met me in the bottomless pit of my sin with His peace. A peace that is too difficult to describe with words. If you have ever experienced this indescribable peace, then you get it. If you haven't, I pray that God reveals that beautiful peace to you! Once you feel it, you will always want more!

His truth, grace, and love poured into my heart and drowned all the lies. He flipped the script of rejection and turned it into acceptance.

He removed the veil from my eyes so I could finally see the truth.

His Truth. Not my truth, which was so backward from the Truth of God.

He has been faithful to pick up the pieces of my wrecked heart, delicately piecing them back together one piece at a time.

I lived on the highway to hell if I didn't change my selfish and destructive ways. For the first time in my life, I had the strong urge to delve deeper into God's Word (the Bible). I wanted His Word to be etched into my heart, and I had a burning desire to KNOW Jesus. Not practice religion or go to Church. But to intimately know Jesus. So, I began reading more of His truth and Word, and God began to make incredible changes in my life.

God doesn't just save. He transforms. He saved me from my ruins and changed my life.

"The Holy Spirit never enters a man and then lets Him live like the world. You can be sure of that" -A.W. Tozer, a man of God.

My loved ones have noticed a significant positive change in me. Although some may not see it, I pray they, too, may experience the truth and allow the Holy Spirit to transform their hearts.

God laid it on my heart that it was time to confess to my husband the secret life I had been living. As I sit here today, years later, I am confident that if my husband had not seen the evidence of God's presence in my life, my testimony would be vastly different. I had already received forgiveness from Heavenly Father, but that day, I received forgiveness and grace from my husband - all thanks to God.

Ever since I confessed, my life has changed dramatically. My love for my husband has grown, and most importantly, my soul has been ignited with a passion for the Lord. I recognize that I am flawed and that God is continuously refining me, but I have faith that He is not done with me yet. He is my great Heavenly Father, and I trust He will never abandon or give up on me. He is perfect. Even when I slip up, He is faithful always to be there, forgive me, and help me back up.

Jesus poured His love into that hole, drowning me with love, grace, and truth. Daily, He continues to prune and refine my heart, character, and actions. My old wounds are healing, and the scars left behind testify to God's goodness and grace.

I pray that those who read my testimony see God's goodness and know there is hope for the hurting and that healing from past trauma is possible. We don't have to be a by-product of the things we have no control over, like our childhood junk.

There is hope for those living a life on the path of destruction.

There is hope for a new identity for the once self-centered cheater who only cared about herself.

There is hope for a new life.

𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒥𝑒𝓈𝓊𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝓇𝑒𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇.

Jesus met the adulterous woman right where she was.

He knew her past, her apparent sins, and those hidden in her heart, and He still saved, healed, and redeemed her from the wreckage of her past. Then, to many people's surprise, He used her for Kingdom purposes, and many became believers because of her testimony.

We all have that same opportunity to be healed and used.

When it comes to Jesus, there is no such thing as "once a ______, always a _____."

There is: "Who she was isn't who she is now. Because of the new life I breathed into her heart." - Jesus.

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives." Galatians 5:23-24

My story is an unfinished redemption story with many twists and turns, highs and lows. It is a story of a lost, hurting girl who finally found someone to heal the hurts and brokenness. A modern-day story like the one found in John 8 about the woman caught in adultery: read the story here if you are unfamiliar with it. In John 8:11, we witness Jesus showing compassion to a woman and changing her life through his merciful words: "Go and sin no more." And He told me the same thing.

His grace is free.

His love is free.

He is not far from you. He is standing right before you with His hand reaching out to you. Whispering to your heart, "Daughter, come home."

If you feel hopeless, it may be worth considering meeting the creator of hope - who gave you life and provides the greatest hope, grace, and love of all: Jesus.

If this story gave you hope, I ask you to share this story. People need to read more of these grace-filled transformation stories to impact the kingdom of God significantly. To spread the Good News of the Gospel of grace and hope that can only be found in our Savior, Jesus Christ.

No one else has died for you.

The good news is that He is NOT dead and wants a relationship with you!

This story is a personal testimony of the power of Jesus when we surrender our lives to Him. Its purpose is to give glory to God.

Thank you, Jesus, for this story. May you use it with power to show others Your Glory and your redemptive potential!