A season of impatience and preparation
Who am I kidding, JUST a SEASON of impatience? Seasons come and go and won't last forever. Personally, it is more like a whole LIFE of impatience! I don't believe there ever has been a time in my life when I had a season of patience. I will get back to you on that (you never know what God can do). Recently in a writing training I am taking, one of the lesson applications was to journal my thoughts after reading the following verses:
1. For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven Ecclesiastes 3:1
2. So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 1 Peter 5:6
I did get many takeaways from this lesson, but my biggest one was this: TIMING.
Not mine, but His.
When I was a child, my mom got me this navy blue t-shirt with white lettering, it said:
"I want what I want and I want it right now"
If God didn't have my name on his mind when He gave the creator of this shirt the idea... well then... I don't know who else it was made for. Just ask my mom, how perfect this shirt was for me! As I was journaling through these verses, it made me think of the season of life I am in right now and how much of a mindset shift I need/ed.
I can't fully put into words what season I am in, but I will try to summarize it in few-ish words:
Busy, unfocused, distracted, called, envious, angry, impatience, joyful, peaceful, and selfish. YIKES!
A crazy concoction of words isn't it? Insert my life.
Insert my crazy "squirrel brain thought process." ADHD is great fun :) I wonder what non-ADHD people think.... 🤔
I have this desire to write. About what? I don't know. All I know is it will be about Jesus.
A blog? Well... ya that is obvious.
But is it more than just a blog? I don't know.
A book? I don't know, but I would secretly love to accomplish this. Just the thought of being a published author sends chills down my spine. Gives me butterflies in my stomach and a feeling like my heart is beating out of my chest!
All I know is God has called me to write, and I am in a season of preparation. With the constant "I don't know", I get frustrated. I am a person who likes things in plain jane, black and white, come on give it to me straight! I don't need someone to beat around the bush. I need a burning bush that talks to me, and I need it right this very second. He did it for Moses... I want it too!
See Exodus 3.
Can you relate? Are you impatient like me?
Do you want what you want and you want it right now?
Do you want answers like yesterday?
IF I had it my way, I would quit my job and pursue the "I don't knows" full-time. But my husband isn't sold on the idea of me walking away with an "I don't know what's next" answer. I can't blame him on this one. My life has been full of "what crazy thing is Kelsey going to pursue next". I have been a job hopper for as long as I can remember. My husband and I have been together since 2008, he has worked at two places, and I have had AT least ten jobs since then.
No joke, no exaggeration either.
If I had it my way, I would be in pursuit of my next adventure. I would be creating content and writing full-time. Would it be my timing or God's? Let's face it, for right now, it is mine. Mondays are my day off, and a day where I can live out this desire. I am being very impatient with God and His timing. Please, pray for me! Again: I want what I want, and I want it right now. Yes, time is different. I do still want it NOW, but I don't want to jump ahead of God in any way. Whatever this is, I want it to be 100% fully from God.
Do you think I have ever stopped to think "maybe God has me in this season for a reason?". Well yes, I have thought about that. Nevertheless, I want to skip to the good part, without the season of preparation. Reality check ✔️, it DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY.
Yet... here I am:
'I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate........ 'I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.' Romans 7:15-19
Hello, it's me, I am the female version of Paul in today's modern times.
The journaling made me realize that I no longer need to be confident in my abilities, I need confidence in what God has called me to do and to know He will equip me.
He doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called.
I have come to terms with God having me in this season of equipping, empowering, and preparing for a reason. I will LEARN to embrace the fruit of the Spirit in the form of patience. If I have to pep talk myself daily, I'll do it. I have learned that after 30+ years, I won't always get my way. It won't always happen in my timing, but it will always happen in God's perfect timing.
Every time He has come through.
Every time He has to lead me to where He wants me WHEN HE wants me there.
I can never get ahead of God. Even though I think I am running too far ahead of Him and He needs to catch up with ME. It doesn't work that way.
Isn't that a funny thought? You are running so far ahead of God while He is behind you shouting "wait for me!" God is patient and waits for us to catch up with Him after we have detoured too many times to count. I can picture a path with a straight road yet many twists and turns. If you are a born-again believer, they all lead to the same destination. I tend to steer off the path, but God is faithful, He always leads me back to where He wants me.
Sometimes the most mundane, annoying, complicated, unwanted waiting and equipping seasons lead us to the most beautiful destinations.
Trust His ways are better than yours. See Isaiah 55
Trust that His timing is perfect. See 2 Peter 3
Trust that nothing we could ever do could separate us from His love, no matter how much off the path we get, and how frustrated and impatient we are with Him. See Romans 8
He can handle it.
So if you are also in a season like this, know that God is faithful. There is a reason for the season. He will lift you up in His perfect timing. If I can have faith like this, so can you!
Help me to put Your will and Your purpose ahead of my own. - Tony Evans
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